Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Do you expect me to talk?

No, Auntie Peril, I expect you to polka. Mwahahahahaaaaa!

Behold me, seated in a flawless lotus position observing the spiritual ebb and flow of the universe. Ahhhh blogger. She go up, she come down. She go up, she… pffft.

Thus, the karmic wheel brings about harmony. The merging of yesterday's post about words with the Vltava blue thread of things Czech. All posts are one. I am one with my posts. The one is a post. I post the all one. Ommmmmmm...

And so we come to fascinating Czech fact number one (ommmm...). One (ommmm...
...Oh sod it, this is getting annoying) already related to me by three persons of Czech origin in the last week, so clearly grounds for some excitement. Robot is apparently derived from the Czech word robota - "to work", and coined by the famous Czech playwright Karel C-withalittlehookthing-apek in his 1920 science fiction play R.U.R.

Clearly, the over-confidence of my informants has led them to reveal a nascent scheme to cunningly infiltrate the English language with words from the Czech lexicon until it is completely taken over by unpronouceable consonants with agglutinative tendencies. Oh the humanity!

Aghast at the evidence of this linguistic plot, I have investigated further (via Wikipedia) and discovered yet more instances of Czech adulteration of the English language, nay even culture. To my horror, it seems that any anglophone using the following sentence is speaking 25% Czech:

After Frantisek lost his howitzer, he only had a pistol, so he traded his semtex for a pilsner to drink and then danced the polka with Ivana Trump.

If you count "Ivana Trump" as entirely Czech, based on her place of birth rather than her married name, the level of impurity actually rises to 28.6%.

Ladies and gentlemen, a dark cloud is arising to the east. One which might eventually swamp and destroy our linguistic heritage. We must stand firm against the tide of corruption. No more can we so-innocently wear soft contact lenses (invented by Prof. Otto Wichterle in 1961) to avoid steamed-up spectacles while performing an energetic polka and then refresh ourselves with a bottle of pilsner or hot drinks sweetened with perfect cubes of sugar (invented in Dac-withalittlehookthing-ice in 1843).

No more can we look with uncensorous eyes upon those haircuts which feature short tops and lengthy backs. For is not one Finnish term for the mullet, "tsekkitukka", or literally "Czech hockey hair", referring to the popular style sported by hockey players of this country?

Beware! I have seen the future, and it is Czech.

7 comments:

azteclady said...

Ah but did you know that Issac Asimov was the first to define the Laws of Robotics?

The future of techonology is Russian, I tell you.

Or perhaps American.

(He was born in Russia but immigrate to the US as a toddler)

EvilAuntiePeril said...

Thanks for mentioning Asimov, azteclady. He's a good one to add to my TBR list of books only tenuously related to my future home. Sci-fi writing from the former Eastern bloc. What better way to read up on the area?

azteclady said...

You are so welcome, EAP, but... did you notice that I can't keep from making TYPOS??? *sigh* That's Isaac Asimov, not Issac (I'm sure he's spinning in his grave right now)

Anonymous said...

hmm... and the birthplace of Freud, eh? The czechs really do have a lot to answer for.

Death xxx

PS Is that an approved use of the word 'czech'?

EvilAuntiePeril said...

Azteclady - typos/shmypos. It's the information that counts.

Death - 'bout that approval? I'll czech. Heh heh heh. And hee! Forgive me. I'm moving. Packing hurts.

Kate R said...

Hey! Here you are.
Dobra Jutra! Drago mi ja.

EvilAuntiePeril said...

Yep, Kate, here am I. Welcome to you. May have to get your help chatting to the lady in the sandwich shop. ;-)